Kitchen Timer

You need one. We all need one. The one on your stove is broken. The one on the microwave makes a loud, unnatural sound that irritates your pets and makes your skin crawl. Using your cell phone isn't actually cool unless you have an iPhone with a kitchen timer app and then it's only cool to those people.

So, you buy a kitchen timer; one that you have space for and counts down just as many minutes as is necessary. I bought this one from Kikkerland Design because it's magnetic, easy to use, and comes in old-fashioned appliance blue.

Don't buy it; it's a piece of shit.

Picture this: you get your new kitchen timer home and eagerly unwrap it, like a gift you bought yourself after Christmas. You toss the instructions because they say obvious or useless things like, "Turn to set," or "Buy our other kitchen timers." You put it on the refrigerator but not quite in the right place, so you slide it to a new location and it leaves a black trail across the face of your freezer door.

Maybe you should clean it. Maybe, but doing so in the sink will fill the timer with water, warping the readout paper and causing the face to fog up. You won't be able to return it in that condition.

Maybe you should wipe off the magnet with a paper towel. Maybe, but tell me when you eventually get black residue to stop rubbing off. I never got that far.

In all likelihood, you'll buy two or three kitchen timers in your life and pay a paltry sum for each one. Just don't buy this one. Also, if you happen to walk by 423-427 West 127th St, New York, NY 10027, pick out a random designer and kick them in the nuts.

Located: The New Bunny Hole
Feeling: amused

I didn't know this launched!

Rocket Riot came out for Xbox Live Arcade on the 17th. Having no internet during the move means I miss all the cool stuff.

XBOX 360 friends, get your ass online and download this game! It's frantic! It's awesome! It's like real-time Worms with jetpacks and destructible environments! Also, the football/rugby mode is excellent. Four player on the box! Eight player online!

Seriously, this game is a riot and I can't wait until I get the internet (that's now working in my home) all the way down to the man cave so I can partake too.

In closing, try the demo and soon you will understand.

Located: The Cave of Secrets
Feeling: excited

Today was my first day as the trainer in the super secret game testing lab. I told those new guys what's what and they wrote down everything I said! That should have been the my favorite part of my day but I got a message from Miranda just after lunch. Matt Harding wrote a book. He was giving a talk and signing it in Wallingford.

I went. I bought the book. He signed it. We danced.



In closing, that was actually my favorite part of the day.

Feeling: pleased
Listening: "Drone" by David Garza

Brains of the Brainless
Law of the Lawless
Loves of the Loveless
Life of the Lifeless
Light of the Lightless
Chicken Dicks of the Chicken Dickless

In closing, I'm sure each one of them had something profound in mind.

Located: The Bunny Hole
Feeling: awake

The organization I work for is is ramping up like they do every Spring meaning it's time to hire game testers. Both my boss and my Volt recruiter have asked if I know anyone interested in the work and to pass along their resumes. If you're interested, let me know as the referral could be good for you and the sweet, sweet referral bonus could be good for me. (I do not deny some self-interest in these hard economic times.)

THE JOB:
40 hrs a week, currently day shift only (9:00-5:30), ~$11hr DOE. Contracts from 3 months to a year (no more than 12 months though). Location: near the ass end of 520. No computer science degree nor previous testing experience necessary. However, you do need a healthy interest in games and the ability to find faults with them. This is the bottom of the heap but it's a nice place to start or a good way to stave off those unemployment blues.

Drop me a comment or e-mail at ironmaus (AT) gmail (DOOT) com.

In closing, I'm stoked for the quiz at Ozzie's tonight. Many chicken strips will be eaten and brain sprains dealt.

Located: The Cave of Secrets
Feeling: mischievous

When you're around me, every day is National High Five Day.

In closing....

Located: The Cave of Secrets
Feeling: dirty
Listening: "One" by Bee Gees

So, I have a new gig hosting trivia. Unlike the monthly fundraiser nights for the wild girls of the Derby Liberation Front--this Thursday at Jabu's--this is not a self-produced event. At 7PM, every Wednesday, at Ozzie's in lower Queen Anne, I host the pub quiz for Geeks Who Drink. (Yes, they are aware that I'm more geek than drink.)

Geeks Who Drink is two guys from Colorado who write a spunky 64-question pub quiz for every night of the week and then hire hosts for every bar they've contracted with. So, while the Ozzie's trivia may lack my trademark difficulty rating, it is presented in my inimitable style. There's a blog I update every week (or have for the two weeks I've hosted) where you can check out the regular crew and decide whether you're smart enough to show up and kick their asses. You should show up anyway just because it's fun.

One curious aspect of the GWD @ Ozzie's arrangement is that it necessitates owning a laptop. Unlike my RCRG/DLF trivia where the teams trade papers for scoring, I do all the scoring between rounds. With ten teams and 64 questions, that can be quite the workload. In addition, there are two audio rounds per night. So, rather than muscle around with pen, paper, and my MP3 player, I'll now have an Excel spreadsheet and a Winamp playlist to do my bidding.

Thanks to a short-term loan from the lovely Miranda, I went to Best Buy last night and picked up the cheapest, non-crappy laptop I could find.



In closing, why is my Xbox avatar in this picture?

Located: The Cave of Secrets
Feeling: pleased

Rocket Science: yes.

Feeling: calm
Listening: "I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)" by Hall & Oates

As you can see, I'm not over my color-coding phase.



Still, now that Headachy Sauce isn't comprised of four guys who all have the same clothes, I'm a little happier. The lead singer has a silly tie. The guitarist has sunglasses. The drummer has a mesh shirt. They've come a long way since I last posted.

In closing, the likelihood that I'll make three posts about Rock Band 2 in as many months is very small.

...except to say that I wish they had some Kings of Leon.

...and that I'm looking forward to the release of Pearl Jam's Ten.

...and that I'm happy for Wii owners who finally get some DLC love.

Located: The Bunny Hole
Feeling: amused
Listening: "Manhattan" by Kings of Leon

Get a copy of Rorschach, the slightly-Apples-to-Apples-esque-but-more-sneaky-mildly-strategic, ink blot game. Set it up on the couch. Now, while you might be worried that the game is recommended for three-to-eight players, you can resolve this issue by each playing for not only yourself but one of the two bunnies living in the house. Proceed to play the game as normal, guessing both what your girlfriend would pick and what your girlfriend thinks her female rabbit would pick. Then, to really get your noodle cooking, pretend to be the male rabbit guessing what your girlfriend thinks her female rabbit would pick.

Conversational examples may include...

"I know the card says, 'Which one is at home in the deep ocean,' but Tiger, never having seen the ocean, is confused by the question and has decided to pick randomly."

"I picked number one because it looks like something from a Mad Max movie but Bad Bunny picked number three because it's like a scary bird."

"Tiger won? She's surprisingly good at this game."

In closing, it's slightly less random than Apples to Apples.

Located: The Bunny Hole
Feeling: happy